Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
