And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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