just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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