I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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