I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
