did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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