You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
