We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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