just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
