Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Randomize
