Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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