My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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