I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
