I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize