I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
