i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
