i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
