Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
