I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I checked into jail on foursquare
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
