I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
