omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
