You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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