At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
