i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
