I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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