just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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