hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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