Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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