let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
