I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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