Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
whose parrot is this?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
