You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
