I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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