I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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