I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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