its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's blow job season.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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