omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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