just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
