Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
