I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Can I color on your dick again?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
