I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
