Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
