That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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