I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
