You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
