Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
