See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
