I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I puked a lego.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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