thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
