We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
