You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
