Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
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Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
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I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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