I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
