I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
