Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
