low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
