used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
