it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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