Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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