Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
