I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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