You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This is the high leading the old right now
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Randomize
