Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
