she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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