he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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