just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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