it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
