He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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