omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
