Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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