God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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