I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
