You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
