he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
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That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
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I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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