Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
